


hold me without touch, keep me without chains

by elsanoelle



Series: Let the music heal your soul [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Canon Divergence - Spider-Man: Homecoming, Dad!Tony, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Panic Attacks, Poor Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:33:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsanoelle/pseuds/elsanoelle
Summary: Tony was finally seeing Steve again for the first time since Siberia. When the text message arrives with coordinates to their meeting venue, Tony has trouble convincing himself to go ahead, only because he was losing a battle against himself.But when a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man drops by, maybe, just maybe, Tony could find the courage and a new reason to go.





	hold me without touch, keep me without chains

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys, sorry for the long absence for this Series. if you're new here (hi there!!!) i would definitely recommend that you start from part 1, only because i jumped right into it with this one. thank you to everyone who bookmarked, subscribed, kudo'ed and commented. you guys give me so much meaning and encouragement. waking up to hearts and comments keeps me going!
> 
> so before we get started, does anybody want to get out?
> 
> jk lets do this :)
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING: Please see tags.

 

* * *

 

 

Wakanda.

Steve wanted to meet in Wakanda.

 _Of course you do Rogers. Wanna introduce me to your new boyfriend while you’re at it?_ Tony thinks bitterly as he flips the burner phone shut, sighing heavily through his nostrils.  

He knows that he's being petty, he knows from the desperation in Steve's voice that the super soldier was hurting for him and that he genuinely wants to meet to make amends, to fix what was broken. In fact the first few things that Steve said over the phone was admitting that he missed Tony, and that he was sorry. Just thinking about that confession made Tony's eyes sting because God knows how much he needed to hear that. 

Tony quickly sniffles, refusing to allow himself to dwell  too much in melancholy because the Winter Soldier, Steve's best _friend_  who he lied to and fought Tony for, was also in Wakanda. Tony has known all along that the technologically advanced African nation had custody of the assassin and with Princess Shuri leading the effort to treat and remove HYDRA's brainwash, a cure was imminent. Bucky Barnes, though frozen solid, was well on his way to a full recovery. 

Tony Stark, not so much.

Despite his continuous accusations, deep down Tony has come to accept that Bucky was stripped off his humanity against his will to do HYDRA's bidding, to commit the decades-long assassinations including the cold blooded murder of his parents. Instead of hatred for Barnes, Tony came back from Siberia carrying with him a deep sense of guilt for going off on the man for actions he had no control over, and then blowing his metal arm apart. 

As for Steve Rogers, Tony still loved the man with every fibre of his soul, despite the Lie and every punch that Steve hit him with to protect his buddy. Of course if he was being dramatic about the entire thing, Tony could whinge on the fact that Steve trashed his suit with his bare hands for another man. Then again, Tony left Steve pretty bloodied himself. He even shot Steve at the ribs with a repulser. 

Hardly a show of affection on his part.

So it wasn't particularly vengeance or jealousy that fuelled Tony at that moment, yet he couldn't place a finger on why he felt so apprehensive. Perhaps arranging their reunion so close by to where Barnes physical was, was a move that came too soon. Now, 11 months after Siberia, they were finally due to reunite and talk about the hows, the whys, and the what nows. 

The tired genius tosses the old flip phone lightly onto the metal desk as he stretches his veined arms to lean against its smooth edges, hanging his head down low. This was the most he had allowed himself to think of the Civil War after Steve's phone call. The panic attack that came right after that had crippled him to the point of blacking out mid-flight in his armour and it made Tony so afraid of his own mind. He kept himself occupied with the new Mark L armour ever since., working continuously nearly to the point of exhaustion for 65 hours straight, only taking short naps in between just to keep himself from obsessing over Steve.

Alas, the text message eventually broke his three day clean streak.

Thoughts of their cursed last brutal encounter brought along flashbacks of the trauma he endured, physically and emotionally, and soon his chest tightens, his breath becomes uneasy. As his hands turn icy, Tony presses his eyes shut as he counts in his head backwards from 10. He takes in deep, long breathes to regularise his shortening gasps.

The abrupt onset of overwhelming emotions means that he was at the brink of having yet another massive his panic attack. 

The images of the shield slamming down on him, Steve's back as he walks away from Tony with another man in his arms were brutally vivid in his mind; Tony could physically feel the freezing tundra seeping into his bones as he found himself standing in between his favourite orange Audi and 1965 Corvette Sting Ray Convertible. He leans against the former, confused as to how he got there from his work desk a few feet away and tries to focus on something to drain out the chaos in his head, but his vision begins to blur and nothing seemed to stay in one place for him to lock on to. 

In a last ditch effort, Tony traces his finger along the silver necklace around his neck and fishes out the two aluminium plates that hung from it. 

He grips them hard, still counting in his head, and remembers the day Steve gave them to him. 

Also the day the blue eyed super soldier shyly told him that he loved him.

**

_You want me to have these? Are you sure?_

_Only if you'll have me_

_Whoa, was that a proposal?_

_NO_

_Because I expect something a lot less casual from you, Captain Rogers. Didn't have to be Tiffany's_

_I wasn't asking you to marry me_

_Okay that's actually more painful to hear. Do I not come across as the marrying kind?_

_I didn't mean it like that!_

_It's legal now by the way. Just putting it out there_

_Tony, oh god. I didn't, it's not that I've never thought about -_

_Honey, honey, honey. I'm kidding. Alright? I'm just messing with you_

_I hate you_

_No you don't._

_No, Tony, I don't. On the contrary,_ _I wanted - I want you to know, that, I uh - golly this is tough_

_You're adorable when you blush you know that? I'll put you out of your misery. Thank you -_

_Wait wait. I was tryna tell you that -_

_I look sexy with your dog tags on? Now you get to pull me -_

_I .. I love you._

_Beg your pardon?_

_I love you._

_.._

_I love you, Tony_

_Okay. Right. That's. Very uh. WOW. You uh got me there. Let me, let me process this a sec_

_... You're turning red, sweetheart_

_I am NOT_

_It's okay. 'm not teasing ya. I'd never._

_Ha ha. This is the part where I say it back, right?_

_You don't have to, Tony_

_Why not?_

_Because it shows in your eyes when you look at me_

_Ah geez thank you for the double standards. Why do you get to make a love confession and I dont?_

_This is not a competition T-_

_WELL I LOVE YOU TOO. There. Said it. No take-backsies. I love you. I LOVE you I love YOU._

_You're an idiot_

_I'm your idiot._

_My idiot, huh? I like the sound of that. Mine._

_Always. I mean, who else is gonna have me?_

_You really think you're not a catch Tony or are you just milking the moment?_

_Both._

_You're incorrigible. Alright I'm getting up._

_No no no, stay. It's Sunday. It's Steve & Tony o'clock. No briefings, no bots, no Avenging. Besides I haven't said thank you for these babies. I know they mean a lot to you_

_You, mister, mean everything to me. These past two months have been nothing but magical to me. Just looking at you wearing something of mine makes me so happy right now_

_Sap._

_I do love you Tony. With all my heart. Don't you ever doubt that._

 

_**_

The dog tags were the closest symbol of commitment he'd ever gotten from Steve and it remained closely tucked under the billionaire's clothes even after Steve and he went separate ways.

Not even Pepper and Rhodey knew they were ever involved, so whilst it was apparent that Tony came back from Siberia a worse-off, broken man, none of them had any idea that there was also a tragic love story behind it all.

Awkwardly, Pepper was the first to find out but only because Rhodey was still in an induced-coma at the time.

Having found his way back from Siberia, Tony was immediately admitted to the hospital for his injuries, the worst being his broken sternum and five shattered ribs caused by blunt force trauma. The CEO of Stark Industries had been camping by Tony's bedside at the hospital when he woke up screaming bloody murder after being unconscious for 3 days post-surgery. Tony was inconsolable as he emerged from a nightmare; he ripped off all the wires hooked on him and started to claw against his chest, desperately looking for something. All he managed to do was bust open the fresh stitches of his injuries and soon his hospital grown was soaked in crimson blood. Tony turned hysterical when he realized his treasured item was missing. He then began to cry, incoherently pleading for someone, _anyone,_ to please _make him stop_.

The nurses and doctors were visibly nervous - they were dealing with one of the most powerful persons in the world in his most delicate, vulnerable mental state and for a moment they merely stood by and watched as Tony sobbed in the corner of his private ward in a blood-stained hospital garb. Eventually all it took for Tony to calm down was Pepper Potts kneeling in front of him and carefully handing him what he was desperately looking for.

With trembling hands, Tony reached out and took the long chain, while chanting under his breathe _don't hurt me, don't hurt me,_

 

 _don't hurt me, Steve_.

 

 

“Come on, Stark,” Tony hissed, angry himself for always losing to his fragile mind, which ironically happened to be his strongest, favourite trait of himself. 

Breaking into his thoughts, Friday announces that Spider-Man has landed on his roof. Two seconds later the crime fighting teen emerges from the high ceilings through the windows of the garage and spins a web to lower himself to the ground, upside down like he always does.  _Shit_ , Tony curses to himself, realising he's forgotten about their appointment today. And it's actually been rescheduled twice now.

“Hey there, kid. No uh, b-band practice today?” Tony forces himself to say without looking, desolately trying to hide his condition. Tony decides to pretend that he was working on the untouched R8, casually popping the hood of his favourite car while trying very hard not to vomit into the shiny, spotless engine. 

“Ha-ha Mr. Stark. That was _one time_ ….” Peter says defensively, recalling his white lie a couple of months ago that ended with a ferry full of passengers splitting in half over the Hudson river. He doesn't finish his sentence and the room fell into uncomfortable silence.  

By now Tony has a pretty good idea about the kid’s sixth sense, or spider-senses he’d call it. Peter could smell danger, fear, _anxiety_ a mile away and having spent so much time with the billionaire over the course of the months, Peter could always tell when Tony was crumbling apart. When Tony finally looks up from under the hood, he sees Peter now standing upright, no longer in his Spider-Man suit and blinking at the burner phone at the edge of the desk before their eyes meet. Peter swallows nervously like he was caught looking at something he wasn't supposed to.

“You okay there, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks in the tiniest voice, almost mouse-like. "Anything I can do?" The young man smiles weakly with his teeth, a knee-jerk attempt to cheer up his mentor.

Tony lets go of his grip against the side of the hood and hooks a hand behind his head, scratching his brown locks before dragging his fingernails harshly down his neck. His other hand digs deep into his jeans pocket, a sad attempt to remain casual while trying to hide the tremor of his limbs. Every word he wanted to say to deny what was really going on, got stuck in his throat.  

He finally shakes his head, resigning.

"No, not really. Look kid, I'm sorry, I just  _can’t_ t-today. I honestly forgot about you coming over and right now, I'm actually trying really hard not to freak out and have a heart attack.” He runs out of breathe, his voice was quaking, eyes watery and his lips quivered. He still tries to smile but a sob escapes him. He forces a breathy laugh, shaking his head.

Peter was visibly concerned. "Mr. Stark, we can do it some other time. I can go but do you need me to call somebody? I can get Happy, he's just out -”

"No, hang on a minute – I’m not, I’m not kicking you out. You don't have to go. I just, I just don't feel so good right now.”

"You're alright Mr. Stark. Everything's gonna be okay."

"I'm alright," Tony repeats. _You're alright. You're home. Kid's here. Happy's outside. You're alright._

"So how was - How was school?"

"Great."

"Yeah? Tell me something specific? About school. Anything."

"Oh, we've got a field trip coming up!"

"Field trip. Yay. Where to?"

"The .. Smithsonian."

Tony's face twists. Of course the freaking Smithsonian.

“Do you want a hug?” Peter suddenly offers.

"What?"

Peter blinks and smiles robotically, hands drawn out and taking a step forward. "Maybe you'll feel better?" 

“God no,” Tony snaps, flinching hard at the sudden unwelcomed proximity but he immediately regrets the way it rolled off his tongue. "Sorry I don't, I'm not into touching. Nothing personal though." Peter retracts his offer without taking any offence and takes two steps backwards. He momentarily pauses before he whips out his mobile phone - a Starkphone that Tony had made for him - and starts to type something, his tongue licking the corners of his mouth.

"What are you _doing now_?" Tony asks, pressing the palm of his hand against one eye to help him focus.

"I've been reading about anxiety and ways to deal with it and I came across this really cool calming gif the other day. I wanted to send it to you because it's a cat gif and you like cats and all you gotta do is match your breathing with the cat swaying when it feels like too much," Peter cooly rolls his shoulders and swings from side to side, describing. "But then Aunt May barges in and started screaming about my room and threatened to burn the Spider-Man suit if I didn't clean the mess so I totally forgot about this -"

He looks up mid-sentence and notices Tony's unimpressed, confused expression.

"Or I can sit over there and be really quiet, not a problem.” Peter shoves the phone back into his back pocket and twiddles his thumbs innocently.

Tony regrets being snippy _._ The boy was genuinely trying to help in a delicate situation in the best way he knew how - _Googling_ \- and he wasn't even slighted by Tony's continuous bad mood and snarky clapbacks. Tony scratches his forehead before he tries to explain himself again, but it then hit him that he wasn't overwhelmed anymore. He was breathing _better_ , the room wasn't spinning as fast and he no longer felt like puking the sandwich he ate couple of hours ago out on his shoes.

The kid's presence did help. A lot.

"I just ... give me minute please?" Tony mutters as he slowly blinks back to normalcy. He walks back to his work desk, with Peter trailing closely next to him.

"Can I get you some water?" Peter asks, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. If you don't mind."

Peter obediently nods and makes a dash to the minibar - by now he knows his way around Tony's garage, his workshop, the mansion even - and grabs two bottles of water; he twists the cap open before he passes one to Tony. As Tony drinks the last gulp of water from that bottle, Peter instantly hands him the other bottle, to which Tony raises an eyebrow to. 

"Maybe you'd wanna .. I don't know, splash your face with it. You kinda look -"

"-like a train wreck?"

Peter makes a face, contemplating the most appropriate response. "Is that ketchup?" Peter points to Tony's cheek, his finger nearly touching the man. Tony jerks his head back and Peter gets the message loud and clear. "Sorry. You just have -" Peter swirls his hand over his own cheek, points back at Tony to guide him.

Tony lets out a sad chuckle.

"I'm a mess Peter. You really shouldn't be hanging out here too much; I'm really not the best example of a functioning adult right now. Or ever. Hah - joke's on me.  It actually scares me that you once said you wanna be like me while I have no fucking clue what I'm doing these days. I'm not even supposed to swear in front of a kid but I just did. See where I'm getting at?"

"Mr. Stark, you are the realest person I know, and I'm not saying this because I grew up looking up to you. I mean, we all have bad days. Yours is just dialled to 11 because you're technically a super hero. You're bound to have .. super _ior_ issues." Peter shakes his head, regretting his silly pun. "What I'm trying to say is, it's okay. You know? To have bad days, to check out on the world to check in with yourself."

Tony manages a genuine smile. He makes a split moment decision.

“I wanna talk to you about something. About why I've been cancelling out on you a lot these days, why I've been disappearing without so much as a phone call. And uh, mainly about _that day._  The last time you came over, I owe you an explanation -"

“It’s no big deal Mr. Stark, really. You don’t have to -“

“ _It is_ a big deal. Alright? Can I talk please?” Tony’s voice hitches, getting slightly irritated. “We should have had this conversation a long time ago. If I'm going to break my promises to you and act like a tool in front of you, you deserve to know what's going on." Tony pulls out a chair and signals the teen to come over. Peter moves closer and slowly takes his place next to Tony, folding his legs on the seat. "My old man never had time for me, we never talked about stuff and I grew up never really knowing the man. He just never wanted me around and I guess I ended up with a laundry list of issues because of that."

Tony pours water on semi-clean cloth he found on the desk and wipes his cheek. He looks Peter dead in the eye. "But I'm not Howard. I don't want you to think I'm just pushing you around because you don't mean anything."

Peter tries hard to hide the beam in his face, noting the father figure reference but the corners of his mouth curls into a small smile. The troubled billionaire draws in a deep breath, drums his fingers on the table before he reaches for the burner phone and places it on the table between them.

"It's Cap."

Peter's eyebrows shot up, completely taken by surprised that Tony was directly making a reference of the former Avenger leader.

"Oh. Is he .. is he in trouble?"

Tony clears his throat, finding the right words. "Got a message from him. He wants to meet up. See, we're trying to - we're trying -," Tony stops and rubs his palm across his mouth harshly. " _As you kno_ w, the last time Cap and I... Okay so  _Siberia_ didn't go down so well," Tony says, jogging through the words. "You already know about that."

Peter just nods, knowing he wasn't really  _supposed_  to know about the epic showdown between Iron Man and Captain America; the world at large sure didn't. In fact, Tony had never intended the teenager to witness what he did exactly three weeks ago that gave it all away.

It was supposed to be their first appointment to test run a prototype Spider-man nano suit that Tony had been working on. The bright eyed high-schooler was pretty excited to meet his mentor, having been picked up directly from school in a chauffeured, unmarked car. When he arrived at the Stark mansion, he instead walked in on Tony using an iconic shield as target practise, smashing bottles of alcohol against it. Peter stood behind Happy, who instructed the teen to back off and go wait in the car while he tried to subdue the billionaire - his boss, his friend - pissed drunk at quarter past 4 in the afternoon screaming "I fucking loved you. You said we’d do it _together_. You said you wouldn't leave me so where the fuck are you right now?!" to nobody in particular.

It was a good thing that Peter remained where he stood, because everything happened in a split second after. Tony struggled against the burly man and flicked his implanted arm, sending a gauntlet from a damaged Mark XLVI flying across the room, shattering glass and furniture to attach itself to its maker. The piece of armour nearly hit Happy square in the face but thanks to Peter's sense and quick reflexes, he managed to web the repulser-powered gauntlet away just barely inches away from impact.

It wasn't Tony's greatest hour, by far.

The genius never felt stupider, and he sobered up immediately to apologize to both Peter and Happy before breaking down in a puddle of tears. Peter saw a vulnerable side of Tony Stark that afternoon, a very human side that newspapers rarely wrote about. He stood by the door, watching Happy crouch next to the broken man as he hugged his knees and sobbed, apologising over and over again for Siberia, for letting things go that far. 

They never spoke about that day, not that Peter expected the billionaire ever needing to explain himself. 

"All things considered, whatever you saw or heard that day, I'm glad it didn't end up on Twitter or Youtube. Facebook. Not that I don't trust you, I do. Plus I know where you live, so that's that. Anyway look - the thing is. A lot went down even before the airport and I’m not specifically talking about Siberia, or the Sokovia Accords. They teach you about the Accords in school right? You're what, 15?"

"I'm 16 in August."

"Right. Of course. You're a junior this year. Okay so how do I say this. The Accords and Siberia are a whole different clusterfuck of issues, I did things I'm not proud of, Cap did things... We went to town against each other because I was a raging lunatic. I went overboard and well, I've got a truckload of issues, kid, you really need  to reconsider your choice of role models. We'll get to that someday. This though," Tony spins the phone on the smooth metal surface. "I wanna talk about this.  _This_ , goes way back before Germany. See Cap and I -" Tony starts slowly, waving his hands in a tumble, suddenly a lump in his throat. 

"Are in a relationship?" Peter half-guessed, knowing the answer already.

" _Were,_ " Tony corrects him quickly. "Were," he repeats softly, more to himself than Peter. 

"And nobody knows about it?"

"Nobody -  _well technically_ ," Tony starts to think, but decides against it. "Wow I can't believe how hard this is," He mutters lowly to himself before forcing himself to look Peter in the eye again. He really wasn't just _any_ kid. Tony genuinely cared about the young man - the fact that he is clings on to Tony and looks like him like he hung the moon, Tony felt a great deal of responsibility for the teenager. Maybe its his own biological clock ticking, maybe Peter Parker was going to be the closest thing to a son that Tony would ever have in his lifetime. He has to make things right, starting with a bit more honesty.

"Before Siberia, before things got shitty, Cap and I were together," he finally blurts.

"So you guys dated," Peter concludes cooly.

"There was no  _dating_ per se _._ "

Peter pouts, contemplating. "Just casual sex then?"

"Whoa whoa whoa there, kid. _What_? _No_. It was a real, mature adult relationsh -  Did you seriously just say _casual sex_?"

"Cap's PSA was on safe sex today during gym class," Peter explains, stifling a giggle. 

There was a pregnant two second pause before Tony could form a sentence. "Okay this conversation is  _not_ going the way I intended it to go."

"We have gay people in Queens, Mr Stark," Peter suddenly says, very assuringly. “It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with being in love with another man. I think it’s pretty cool, I mean – Captain America and Iron man. Wow. There are tons of people out there who's been shipping you guys for years.”

Tony’s jaw drops wide, baffled, and frankly a little confused but Peter continues heartily.

"The girls in my high school are so gonna be disappointed though. Captain America's is still pretty popular these days especially with the girls. Now that he's gone rogue his posters keep getting stolen and they always end up in the girl's locker -," Peter says, a light chuckle in his voice before he shuts his mouth audibly, noticing Tony's horrified expression. "Not that I'm going to say anything to anyone, I swear!" he immediately clarifies, eyes wide.

"How do you know Steve's posters end up in the girl's locker room? _Peter_ that stealth mode I made you _-_ ," Tony begins to warn.

"Michelle told us," Peter quips.

Tony narrows his eyes, disbelieving. "Us? You and that Leeds kid?"

“I want you to know I support you, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, refocusing the topic with a serious look on his face.

"You .. support me.” Tony echoes. It finally made sense to Tony what Peter was on about.

“Absolutely. Love is love, right?"

" _Right_ ," Tony says, dragging the word and trying his level best to keep his poker face on. .

"It’s really okay, Mr. Stark, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I mean just look at him. He's literally the pinnacle of human perfection, he's a war hero, he's handsome and so ripped -”

“Parker, I'm gonna stop you right there,” Tony interrupts before crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at the doe-eyed teen. “I wasn’t coming out to you."

"I knew that," Peter answers all too quickly, but his cheeks gradually turned pink against his pasty white skin.

"No you didn't.”

"Totally did."

"You thought I was having a moment. _The Moment_. I wasn't."

Peter has a hard frown on his face now, his lips pressed to a thin line. He opens his mouth, and shut its. He tries again. "You just said that Cap and you..." Tony nods his head firmly. "But you weren't...?" The genius shakes his head, a smile forming in his face now as he licks his lower lip.

Tony drags a breath in through his teeth before he burst into a light chuckle. "No. But thank you. For the support. I feel absolutely supported," Tony says, slapping his chest in mock-gratefulness. Peter twists his mouth in annoyance but doesn't retaliate as Tony starts to break into a laugh.

"Where were you?" Peter redirects, fully embarrassed now.

"I was trying to tell you that I care about you, kid. You're not ... unimportant. I care. About you. Like, I don't want you to think I'm only having you around because you're a marketing tool for the New Avengers or an experiment to me, but when I've got better things to do, you drop to the bottom of the list. It's not like that at all."

Peter couldn't hide the grin that quickly formed across his boyish face.

"Okay?"

He nods to Tony.

"But right now, right now like you said - I'm checking out for a while. I need to screw my head straight because - see he's Steve to me. Not just Cap, Captain America or some fugitive the world is ready to condemn. He's Steve Rogers to me. I don't expect you to understand everything, and I also don't want you to think this is easy for me. But I need to go him. I just don't know if I can. I freak out just thinking about everything that's happened."

"You're not doing so bad right now."

Tony looks at the kid and smiles weakly. "Talking about him to someone does help." The dog tags hung low against his chest now, and Tony caresses the surface of the plates where _Rogers, Steve_ was engraved. His head was finally clear. There was a moment of silence between the two before Peter speaks.

"What's he like?"

Tony blinks at the teen.

"As a person. What's he like without the uniform, the inspirational videos. The shield."

_You don't deserve it. My father made that shield_

"He's nice," Tony croaks, before clearing his throat. "You'd like him if you met him. In a normal setting without tarmac, and trucks and planes being thrown in your direction. He'd make you breakfast, tell you to sleep regularly, keep you safe on the battlefield and harp on your safety like a mother hen because he's really that kind of person who cares." Before he knew it, Tony was describing all the ways Steve took care of him, and not exactly a general description Peter was asking for.

"He's everything you've read in the history books about, basically. The internet's crazy though, don't go there," Tony adds.

Peter laughs lightly because he's seen and read them all.

"Steve is kind, honourable, really smart guy. Jesus kid, everybody loves Captain America. You would too."

Peter makes a face. "Nah, I've always been more of an Iron Man kind of person. Ok I'm bit of both actually. The Red and The blue does make a pretty good combination."

"Is that why you designed your first onesie with two colours that block each other out?"

Peter rolls his eyes. Tony was never gonna let that go. "I'd really like to meet him someday Mr. Stark. Under different circumstances. If he means that much to you, he's gotta be one heck of a cool guy."

"You wanna meet him huh. Well no promises, kid. I've broken too many to make another. But you know, something tells me the two of you would hit it off. By the way, could you stop calling me Mr. Stark?"

Peter comically shakes his head in defiance. 

" _Tony_. Try it. It's one syllable less, 's not that hard."

Peter laughs, rubs his nose a little. "That's so weird. You're old enough to be my dad. Can't. Won't do it."

A warm feeling blossoms in Tony's chest.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, General Okoye arrives at the Stark mansion to personally collect the billionaire. After a brief chat indoors, they finally move to leave the estate with Pepper accompanying them to an unmarked car driven by the Wakandan herself. The redhead-turned-blonde looks on worriedly as Tony walks towards the opened passenger door leaving with nothing but a casual jacket on his back, white t-shirt and dark jeans, and a pair of red-tinted aviators. At least FRIDAY was online with Tony and would be able to send the CEO live feeds of Tony's vital signs, so that offered some form of comfort.

She reshuffles the worry off her face in a brave attempt to stay positive and pulls Tony for a hug before he gets into the car. "One last thing," she says with a pained smile.

"Yes?"

"I hope that's ready." She points her manicured finger to his chest, resting the tip at the centre where it hits a glowing, hard surface. 

"Of course. It's 97.9% functional -"

"Tony, I'm talking about your heart. I really don't like this - the idea of you going alone is seriously scary. Rhodey is going to lose it when he finds out, I don't even know how I'm going to explain this to him."

"Then don't tell him. He's not gonna find out because I'll be home in 48 hours. I promise. Cover for me?"

"Are you going to be alright?" She insists as she flattens the lapels of his jacket, picking off lint at the edges. Her hands were shaking.

"FRIDAY's online so you'll be there with me. Sort of."

"That's not an answer, Tony. Just remember what I told you, alright? We're here. I swear it Tony I'll put on the Rescue suit if you so much as break a nail. You hear me? Jim and I will take our suits to Wakanda, AND we'll bring Veronica."

Tony looks at her adoringly. "Who's gonna pilot Veronica?"

"Happy."  Tony barks out a laugh at the idea and Pepper joins him, but she was visibly worry-stricken.

"Team Stark huh? God I love you. Will that be all, Ms. Potts?"

"That, will be all Mr. Stark. Go bring him home, tiger."

 

 **

 

In Wakanda, Tony receives a grand welcome by the King himself, accompanied by his younger sibling. The princess was eager to meet the one and only Tony Stark, introducing herself without prompt and Tony took an instant liking to the wise-cracking teenager, far beyond her years much like he was at her age, but smarter. The pair kicked off quickly, leaving T'Challa and Okoye tailing them loosely from behind as the two geniuses dived into their language of science, briefly distracted from the real purpose behind Tony's presence in the kingdom.

"How old are you, Princess, if you don't mind?"

"I'm 16."

"Are you allowed to date?"

Shuri laughs and takes one glance at her brother, the King, who pretended to be affronted by the idea of his baby sister dating. "Why, do you have a son, Mr. Stark?"

"No. Yes. Sort of. He's not mine. But I think you'd like him."

"Do I need to fix him in any way?"

"Fix him?"

Shuri giggles. "As long as he isn't damaged, I'm sure I'll like him just fine. Does he have SnapChat?"

Tony, to his own credit, knew exactly how that app works. Peter had been trying to set an account up for him.

He makes a mental note to introduce the two brilliant teenagers. At the end of the pleasant walk, Shuri was so smitten by Tony that she proposed that they meet again to compare notes on her Panther Habit and his Mark L suit. Tony was more than happy to set up a meeting, and since Shuri was more often than not in US thanks to the Outreach centre in Oakland, the meeting was genuinely in the books for the two intellectuals. 

The conversation was chipper and light until a Dora Milaje warrior approaches Shuri to inform her that the White Wolf was ready and waiting for her at her lab.

Tony says nothing at first, considering in his head that they could be talking about the Black Panther’s sidekick, who knows. But curiosity got the best of him and his heart starts to pump at the possibility that...

"Say, uh. How's it going with Barnes? You managed to figure out a way to rejig his brain yet?"

Shuri hesitates for a moment, and takes a glance at T'Challa who was in a conversation with Okoye a few feet away. She looks back at Tony, her cheeky smile disappearing. The princess' words were careful and soft. "The procedure was a success. Sergeant Barnes is no longer responding to the trigger words and poses no threat to anyone. In fact, I'm going to have to leave you right now."

Tony knew what was coming.

Cold sweat.

Heart palpitations.

Throat as dry as the Sahara.

Check, check, and check. 

"He's waiting for me in my lab downstairs. Good luck with your meeting, Mr. Stark. I know the Captain is very eager to see you."

At the end of her words, Tony feels choked. His arms begin to tingle, his breathe becomes shallow and Tony just needs to escape that corridor. He was going to die if he didn't. As the walls begin to close down on him, Tony drops to his knees, feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He wanted to activate his suit, to get to FRIDAY, to send a distress signal to his family but his hands were dead. 

He collapses on the floor, white as a ghost. All he wants to do is run away from his own stifling body, but he couldn't. 

Barnes was out of cryo and in the same building as him. 

Steve was on the other side of the door, waiting. 

And Tony was slumped on the ground, at their mercy now.

All he remembers before everything went dark, hardly a breathe left in his lungs, was hearing his name being called out by various voices, but one stood out from the rest. He remembers his head being cradled, held closely by strong arms. The heat radiating from the skin that touched his was unmistakable, the scent as fresh as the ocean.

As his body goes limp, Tony strangely feels at ease.   

He knew he was home.

 

_Tony?_

_Tony oh God no. No no no no stay with me sweetheart_

 

 

_SOMEBODY PLEASE_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this one (at tony's expanse no less YES I TORTURE HIM SOZ)! do leave me hearts and comments if your heart's broken as well. thanks for dropping by :)
> 
>  
> 
> title from: sara bareilles - gravity [seriously i listened to this the entire time i wrote- so painful! if you've heard it after this fic let me know what you think!]


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